I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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