is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
