If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Girls should come with a carfax report
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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