So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
