Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
