i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
