I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
