Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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