So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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