Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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