When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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