how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
