I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
