how can u be prego again
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
