so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
