I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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