I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
