I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
