He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
