Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
