I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
