just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
