McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
