This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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