You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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