Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
