What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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