At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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