So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
