College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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