Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
