I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
