You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
