Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
