just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
