Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
