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But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I lost the right to judge tonight
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
