When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
