in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
