Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
