I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
