Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
