How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
