hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
