i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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