I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
