theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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