We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
