I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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