I think i peed on brittanys purse
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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